PSYCHOTHERAPY & HOLISTIC WELL-BEING
MENTAL WELLNESS
RELATIONSHIP COACHING
GENDER & CHILD RIGHTS

Solitude is defined as a sense of being alone and to be able to feel comfortable in one’s own company whereas loneliness is the need to connect with another human being or feeling disconnected with the world around us. The feeling of loneliness  can lead to irrational demands, anxiety and depression. People who feel lonely experience a sense of rejection which can lead to feelings of sadness, anxiety depression and self doubt.

People with an avoidant personality move away from social contact fearing being judged or rejected which leads to more loneliness .

The month of May was  the month for mental well being and although it is popularly believed that the elderly experience loneliness, it was found, in a study in the United Kingdom, that it was those in the age group of 18 to 24 who experienced more  loneliness.  This surprising finding may explain why there  have been  more suicides among the young across the globe, especially, during the pandemic.

Loneliness can occur, particularly, due to a break up, divorce, relocation and illness. The pandemic has made us realize  that we can feel lonely even  when we are in the midst of our loved ones .  Severe loneliness can drive people to suicide, alcoholism and substance abuse.

One also notices that among married people or those in a relationship, couples  go seeking meaning and solace outside the relationship when  they cannot communicate their sense of loneliness to their partner . This non communication can lead to further heartache, isolation and break up, affecting themselves and their children adversely.

Yoga prescribes that one should seek solitude so that we enjoy the beauty of our own being to the extent that we do not crave for outside connections constantly. This deeper  connection with the inner self sets us free from unrealistic expectations.

Solitude has the quality of calmness and centeredness which can lengthen the moments of peace and joy which we experience by being in our own  company. To be able to feel the depths of our being can help us overcome the devastating effects of loneliness.

Within Yoga are 3 main aspects which help in  ending loneliness.

1. Kaivalya: Understanding the inner oneness instead of seeking connections with others and the outside world for a sense of meaning and connectedness.

Patanjali’s  yoga sutras 2:17- 2:25 brings to our attention  how the mind wanders to the material or outer world. The sage discusses the need  to understand and accept the reality of the material world where materialism gives us a sense of duality and separation from others and the universe which leads to feelings of loneliness. According to the great sage, bringing  back the mind to  conscious awareness of oneness, (Kaivalya) within  our inner being is the antidote to loneliness.

Kaivalya is considered as the ultimate level of consciousness in Raj Yoga where there is an experience of solitude, centeredness and liberation. There is, in this sense of solitude or isolation,  an   expansion of consciousness which results in the feeling of onenesss with all sentient and non sentient beings and with the universe.

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2. Practise of Pratyahara:

Withdrawal of the senses for atleast some amount of time during the day can liberate us from the craving for sensory pleasures and looking outside our selves for validation and

meaning. Pratyahara in daily life can be practiced by observing silence, fasting periodically,

avoiding gossiping and small talk and practicing celibacy.

The awareness of cravings of the senses and to be able to manage and control them can be achieved through the following practices and asanas ( among others):

1. Yoga Nidra
2. Balasana
3. Veerasana
4. Aspects of Nada Yoga.
5. Specific Pranayamas- alternate nostril breathing, for example, calms the mind and

connects us with our inner silence brings calmness.

3. Fellowhip with people who will help you out of your feelings of loneliness by guiding you towards yourself:

The third aspect within yoga to ending  loneliness is fellowship or Satsanga.

Meeting friends and family physically can be a wonderful way to overcome loneliness

however choosing to be with those who are caring and non judgmental is critical to our mental and spiritual wellbeing.  As mentioned earlier, (in pratyahara), it is advised  to be in the company of those who will not gossip, avoid indulging  in small talk and with those  having  a rational and  positive approach to life and its challenges.

When physical meetings are not possible, in todays world, social media offers opportunities to be part of communities across the globe.

Although there are mixed reports about social media and loneliness, many online communities can be an antidote to loneliness.

Being part of online communities can allow you the time to reach out to

People with whom you can connect and also allows you the freedom of space and time

meaningthat you can choose to be remote but connected and choose the time you want to physically meet people from the communities should they be accessible.

Choosing communities that practice yoga, meditation, hobby related communities, story tellers and other art related groups are excellent for ending loneliness.

Choosing to be with and engaging with people who value your presence and contributions is an important step toward breaking free from loneliness.

To sum up, it is best to be among people who care and will not judge.

A rational approach to living  states that loneliness can be the result of an irrational belief system where you believe that loneliness is frustrating and that you can’t  stand it anymore.

There is however no scientific proof to say that one cant stand it anymore so a Socratic questioning (WHERE IS THE PROOF FOR MY FEELING?) to such irrational beliefs would weaken such an irrational demandingness of life or people.

Rational thinking would lead to fewer demands of people and  one would feel less stress in the face of  life events  such as job, death, marriage, divorce etc. Through rational thinking we  gain clarity about our needs and what is realistically available for the fulfillment of our needs. When  demandingness  ceases we can   optimize our mental wellbeing.

Zen advises us to stay in feelings of loneliness, experience its depths  and then let go of them  because they are temporary and transient. Instead Zen urges us to  seeksilence and the vastness of it which gives us a glimpse of an everlasting peace within. Even when they are only Satori moments, these short pauses in our consciousness  can lead to greater moments of oneness with the universal energy which weakens the grip of loneliness over our being and leaves us liberated from unwanted and irrational  cravings for constant connection .

When supporting those who experience loneliness we may want to:

1. Listen to them:

Non judgemental listening can help people overcome loneliness. They feel heard and understood.

2. Support groups:

Establishing support groups in the neighbourhood or office.

Helping people become part of support groups can help them come together with others who are experiencing similar feelings of loneliness. The support group will make lonely people  establish friendships within these groups thus reducing the feeling of being disconnected.

What can you do for yourself if you feel lonely

Single people, caregivers, the elderly and people in new cities and away from home

may experience loneliness overwhelmingly which is why it is important that we:

1. Take stock of your support system and your strengths.
2. Do things that are enjoyable everyday( music , sportsand other creative activities).
3. Seek friends who are nurturing and non judgmental.
4. Seek out family members( aunts, cousins and others)
5. Join a small group of storytellers or poetry lovers or an IMROV group
6. Getting home a pet
7. Take a break from dating or relationships that are toxic.
8. Travelling to a new place for a vacation and making new friends.
9. Repeating the affirmation atleast 3 times in the day:
   “The World is my home and I am happy and feel connected with all beings.”